Thursday, September 11, 2014


Hey my MK.  Seven years old now huh girlie. That's a big deal I think, where the heck did that come from. I know I know its cliché, but I remember you being a baby, a tiny tiny little girl, so sweet snuggly and cute, I remember you toddling around in those pig tails, and getting your first pair of shoes and your first time on the swings and now, my mk, your a kid. a real big kid. you go to school and are amazing, and I miss you. Our moments together now seem precious. I feel like I get fleeting minutes with you when I'm not telling you to get ready, get dressed, hurry up.... quit hitting your brother, sit down, lets go, and I think as much as it sucks, that's life. I crave a couch snuggle, a lingering bed time hug, an extra kiss when you get home from school all sweaty and smelling like kid.... you are still mine, your still my girl. when you sing in the shower, and dance around booty poppin and giggly your mine, when you want to give things to other people to make them happy, when you try and make people laugh, when you want to be crazy and just let loose, I see me and I'm so thankful. You are so your daddy mk, smart, so smart, crazy school smart and I'm proud of you. you are serious, your a thinker, your shy, your a dork, your so your dad, and I love it. I love seeing what I love in him, in you. your your grandma, sewing gardening recycling reading, your are her. and I love it. watching my mom shine in you makes me excited, she is amazing, so are you. at seven your crazy fun, grown up, missing a tooth (finally) a sponge still always learning more. Your a good kid, you are naughty and crazy but a good girl. you love hard, get your feelings hurt quick, take everything personal, and are full of advice since you know it all, obviously. you are our girl, we are flying through life, seven years since we met you and fell in love, and its getting stronger Mikayla, everyday I love you more. Your party was arts and crafts with a bijillion kids, and as each one walked in the door and you hugged them it made me happy. kids like Jackson who are more family, all the times you guys played together, all the memories bond you guys and its perfection. new friends from school make you extra excited, and I love watching you show yourself to them, cautiously, learning how be accepted, to be wanted and I hope and pray for you to make the friends who like all of you. seeing you with kids like brin and ky who know you inside and out, love you for who you are make me fell relived, like I'm doing something right keeping these friends in your court. I hope this year you become more comfortable of who you are , learn to love the journey of being a girl, making new friends, being okay with out growing old ones, being a brownie and a dancer and a sister and daughter.... you have a lot of shoes to fill chipper. I just want  you to be you, you were beautifully and wonderfully made and you have a lot to give my girl. I couldn't do this with out you mk, you are my little rock and I'm so tankful to have a daughter to love forever, just remember to take it easy on me, I'm still a little scared of you girl. =) happy seven. love you.

Sunday, May 11, 2014


Five years of loving this boy. Five years of being amazed at how awesome one little man can be. Five years of falling in love again every time he hugs me, every time he say i love you mommy. Ryan, you rock. You are five, all boy, all crazy, wild, gross man, dork, silly, snuggles, smart, gangster, annoying little brother.... you are awesome. This year at school you have blossomed, love math, not so much reading but its getting easier, made some amazing friends, got kissed by a beautiful blond... dude, its been good. You have had my heart since the minute i met you.... you are my man always. You and your sister fight like CRAZY but snuggle when you have a nightmare, there's hope. You are into big boy stuff, guns, Skylanders, football, hip hop.... I'm trying to keep up, thank goodness you have a rockin daddy to be the man with you. kindergarten is right around the corner, and you are excited! i cant wait to see the next adventure. Your laugh is insane, your giggle can be pure joy or  pure evil like when you shoot me with a water gun and love every second of my screaming. You are a joy to be with, you are a sweet soul, cry when movies are sad, get hurt feelings quick, take care of others when they need you, you will be an amazing man. you are into being silly, and if you can make someone laugh its on. We cant imagine a day with out our ry ry. Cant believe your FIVE!

Your party this year was WILD, fun and full of friends. It makes me so humble to see all the people who came to celebrate YOU. They love you, I love you, Your daddy Loves you, your sister loves you. You are a lucky man. xoxo

Friday, April 25, 2014


When I read about this the other day, I felt inspired... here's the whole idea...

"The other day I was having one of those self-pitying IS THIS ALL THERE IS sort of days -- you know, when you feel caught in a bleak Sisyphean loop of wiping up crumbs and making meals, which create more crumbs then wiping up those crumbs? -- and the next morning I randomly took a photo of my 6-year-old when he was still in bed and I thought, Actually, this is EVERYTHING. The messes, the cyclical tasks, the grind and the glory. For the rest of that day, I took photos with my cellphone. One after another, nothing framed, nothing well-lit, just random images documenting my day. When I look back on them now, I see a lot of mundane, totally unexciting activities ... that add up to a comforting wave of pure joy. Look how good it all is.

So here goes nothing......
630 is not my favorite time of day

seems however, that you two are already on the move

yum. I swear.

packed lunch, water....and last night dishes apparently.
homework, at know, the normal.
he always wants to come in the morning. sad face.
let me take a selfie... and make sure I have no more toothpaste..


waiting for your friend at school drop off.
forgotten backpack...HURRY
ahhhhh...moms zumba time. happiness.


off to preschool, peace dude.
singing the states song before pickup

lunch date with my handsome boy.
stories.... ahh the little critters, classic. .
can you sit. and be quiet please?!

waiting for mk...

bored. waiting, hanging out of the roof singing...
beautiful welcome back smile. hot mess, but beautiful.

kickboxing, laundry time... seriously fighting about EVERYTHING!

               hey daddy!                                               multi task- homework, dishes.

I cant even see Ryan, what I know, he's smiling. being beat with a hammer.
Mk homework. researching a

remember that yummy dinner, dad ate it. no one else. this is normal. ugh.
grown up music on my way to dinner.

blessed mom time out. happy. drinks. food. giggles! grownups!

I wish I could have seen this go down, as it is one of my favorite times. Daddy reading, singing, tucking into bed. the best daddy in the world. two chapters in our book, one in each bed. backs rubbed, songs sung, kisses given. happy babies.

After looking back at all these little things I realized one big serious thing. I am incredibly thankful. I am thankful that you are my babies, and that you are my whole life. Today was an exceptionally normal day ( except me going out to dinner....ummm bonus, and that daddy was not in many pictures.... he worked hard today, not much time for mom and him together. but he was with you a lot.  ) And guess what, even though I complain tirelessly someday about each one of these activites, waking up early, driving in circles, chores, arguing, ect I am so PROUD that your daddy chose to let me to be the one to get to do it all. everyday. all day. and I will continue to remember that I am lucky for each breath I take with you.
 That you are the millions of little tiny memories, smiles, snuggles and seconds that make up who I am. You are me, and your Daddy, and you are both incredible. I'm loving every second dudes. 

Monday, January 27, 2014

just a few thoughts.

My Mikayla, blue, sis, lil lady. Momma is just overwhelmed a little bit by you these days, and no...not in a bad way. You are beautiful, can i just say that? Lately, when you get dressed for school, have your hair all brushed, or when your riding down the street on your rockin big bike, you literally take my breath away. You glow, your just so pretty. i know all moms think this about there babies, but it has hit me like a mac truck lately and i know i tell you this a lot, but i wanted to write it you know. another thing, your a frekin genius. school is so easy for you, and i LOVE IT. you are reading like a champ, blowing through your math facts and more importantly, you are excited every.time. you learn something new. you talk about rocks and pilgrims and food groups like they are the coolest things ever and its so fun. you say things that make laugh, you say things that make me cringe, you say things that scare the crap out of me, and you say things that make me sit back and think, good grief I'm proud to know you. my favorite conversation with you the other day, you were asking about your freckles, and i told you the angles kissed you and left a mark, you liked that, and moved on....then later you said hey mom, i bet god has a lot of freckles huh? adorable. you say things about god a lot, about the sunrise, the sunset, the clouds looking like ocean, the way angles are watching us... we don't talk about that stuff a ton around here and you are bigger than that, you do it on your own, i like that you know things i don't always talk about. you do things like bring me and dad breakfast in bed and make the waffles into butterflies and honey into a heart, this makes me think someday girl, you will be an amazing mommy. you are sensitive to the girls at school, what they feel and think about you, you want to be liked, that scares me a little and makes me hope that you work on the important things to be liked for. your teacher when asked about a lower grade on a report card in the behavior section, says she can be bossy.... but i think shes just trying to help, and my response.... yep. that's my mk. grandpa says we need leaders, bosses in this world, you just need to practice how you approach your leadership skills. i think he may be right. i cry thinking about how big your getting, how fast you've become a little lady, less my baby and i miss you being little. i miss you being all mine. you are going to be an amazing big girl, and i'm really excited i get a front road seat to your journey bug. i want you to learn to love your bother in a less obnoxious way, i want you to be besties, i know right now that's rough, hes a little much of a four year old boy, but that's my dream for you and him. I'm hoping when you are older you and him can be family, and friends, i hope your babies are friends, i hope your his wife's friend, i hope your the mom he will always need if im not around. i hope you are amazing when your older as you are now. i hope you know that you are my dreams come true. 

Monday, November 18, 2013


Your children are not your children
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

 Am I the last person in the world to ever hear this poem? I am loving it. "You may give them your love but not your thoughts for they have their own thoughts." "You may strive to be like them but seek not to make them like you".    Wowza. 

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Go Get um dudes.

MK- you are insanely brave, sweet, funny, and confident. Eager to learn, ready for first grade!! you have officially ROCKED it. You get up before me most day, make lunch and are dressed ( most fashionably ) and ready to go.... just makes your momma so proud. When I hug you and kiss you and say I missed you I'm met promptly with an eye roll and a ya ya. you have made new friend, comforted kids who are sad, re connected with your old "gang" of tag playing groupies and already improved your reading and writing.... you will be an amazing first grader girl.  Go mk, conquer the world, momma loves you. xo
And my Ry. You are my sweet, sensitive, cautious, observer. You are okay with school, but remind me everyday that you could just stay home with mom and snuggle..... babe. you melt my heart and I'm so sorry we cant just sit and snuggle. But you big boy, are learning, and growing and becoming more and more brave even after only 3 days. I have never been so thankful to have a place to drop you and know deep in my heart as much as I want you to be my baby, its a great place for you to go and become the Ryan I know you are meant to be. Go get um MR. Mohawk.... show the world that smile, and make them laugh and fill that big head of yours with amazing things. xo momma


Tuesday, July 30, 2013


 Summer was awesome. SHORT. fast and awesome. Both kiddos are insane swimmers, LOVING it! played a lot w friends, swam a lot, went on weird little day trips, you know summer ness at its best. 
And then...... WE GOT OUR DANCE ON! we love, I mean LOVE our studio, miss Mindy, all our friends, the awesome cute costumes, the fun music and the fun fun of watching my babies shake shake their booties for all to see. My MK was Amazing, brave confident, sassy as can be and BEAUTIFUL! Ry was nervous, but he wouldn't say it, he shook his little thrift shop booty and was the MAN! so proud.

happy fathers day babe! xo
did I tell you I HATE doing hair!

cool dude.
so sweet.
the best.


and the in july...... grandma took us all to the beach!!! Holy COW! a cute condo right on the beach, walked down every morning sat. and PLAYED! The kiddos were in Heaven!!! Ryan and mk are both collectors, so we got lots of stuff, but they both way got into the waves, building in the sand, and chasing birds. mike came for 4 days, and then it was my momma and shawnie and the kiddos. we all had so much fun together, it was a great week! I took only about 8gabillion pictures... but those are my favs I think!